JUST SAY NO!

Is this a familiar conversation? 

The phone rings and you know you should never have answered

PERFECT PTA MOM: Hi Mrs. H, I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time...

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​What? Are you kidding me? The baby is screaming, my five year old just spilled a full box of cherrios and my mother in law is coming in 15 minutes. OF COURSE IT'S NOT OK!!

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​ME (I.E- WHAT I SAY)​: No problem at all! Perfect time. What can I do for you?

PERFECT PTA MOM: Well, we need another driver on Thursday for the 4th grade field trip and since you have a van.... 

Drive?!? Thursday?!? My babysitter is on vacation, two kids are sick and I have a deadline at work.
NOOOOO, I can't do it!

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ME ( I.E WHAT I SAY AND SOON REGRET)​:  YES, I'd love to.

PERFECT PTA MOM: Great thanks! I knew I could count on you! You NEVER say NO!

GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!  Why didn't I just TELL HER NO!!!!
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And so it went........ This was the scenario that played over and over again in my house. Change the day, change the request, change the day to day calamities and even change the Perfect PTA Mom (learn to recognize them, there are a lot of them out there and they're armed and dangerous!) - the conversation always ended the same.

Until one day, I made friends with a 2 letter word - NO!! 
It moved from the little bubble in my head to my mouth and out into the phone, to be heard with shock on the other end,
with the initial reaction: "I'm so surprised, you ALWAYS say YES."  But, soon  "NO" became as easy to say as "Chocolate."

And I discovered something else.
Saying YES is NOT equivalent to:
1. People will like and/or respect you more.
2. Doing this favor makes you a better person.
3. Doing everything you're asked to do is a Mitzvah (good deed).

On the contrary - Saying NO when it is simply not the right time or place (to say yes) will:
1. Make you calmer and less pressured.
2. Create a happier family atmosphere .
3. And leave your family with the important message that they come first.

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 Now don't get me wrong. Doing a favor for a friend or participating in a school project or organizing a community event is praiseworthy and necessary. It is also VERY important for your children to see that you do for others and are a willing and active participant in the community. Kids beam with pride when Mom comes to school to help. Cooking for a new mom or setting up for the school tea is also wonderful. They learn by example and will grow to be kind & helpful adults.

But the key phrase here is: "Helping when the time is right." I learned slowly that agreeing to every request was just not working. I found myself edgy and short with the kids if I needed to get out to do a "Mitzvah" when there was chaos at home.  If I was out at a function every night, homework didn't get done and  bedtimes stretched too late. The decision to say NO to a specific event or cause made my family the winner in the YES/NO mental tug of war.

I guess it's that Mom balancing act.

And understanding that sometimes saying NO... is really saying YES to you and the ones you love.